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Unintentionally pregnant: when all the arguments speak against the baby


Jennifer and Miriam are not even in their mid-twenties when they accidentally become pregnant. Your partners don’t want the children and force for abortion. So the women have to decide on their own.
Two days before her days were due, Miriam * realize that this Saturday was something different than usual. She was tire, had extreme chest pain, and was dizzy. Immediately her thoughts race over: “Did we not use contraception properly? Is it possible that I’m pregnant? Or am I just imagining it?”

At that time, the 24-year-old office clerk and her boyfriend had been using so-call natural family planning (NFP) for a year of contraception . Body temperature and uterine mucus show women whether they are fertile or not. This way, they do not need to use contraception on days when it is certain that they cannot become pregnant. As Miriam thought about the past few weeks that morning, the fertile phase occur to her: “During this time , we usually use condoms, but once we didn’t use them at all. True to the motto, you definitely won’t get pregnant that quickly. ”

That is what 18-year-old Jennifer ** thought when she slept with her boyfriend without using contraception. Because she could not tolerate the pill, she had to stop taking it shortly beforehand. Still, she believe she was further protect – an assumption many women have. This is also confirm by the Düsseldorf gynecologist Sabrina Bergstein: “Many women believe that they cannot get pregnant in the first cycle if they have been taking the pill for years.” Of course, this is not true: ” If it were so, you could, for example Diarrhea or forgetting the pill does not lead to pregnancy . ” Even though Jennifer slept unprotect with her boyfriend, she wasn’t at all afraid of getting pregnant at first. Only when she got severe pain and her days were a few weeks away did she get the test – and then crawl into her bed for the rest of the day.

When the father doesn’t want to be one

Miriam did two pregnancy tests at the same time. Both were positive. The news shock her and although she was also a little happy, that feeling was immediately mix with fear when she saw the expression on her boyfriend’s face: “ We were together when I took the test. He was immediately against the child and for the first time I thought about an abortion with Medicine for abortion in Dubai. ” Actually, the two had talk about the subject when they decide on natural contraception “At the time, he said he would support me if I got pregnant,” recalls Miriam. But the relationship wasn’t going well for a while, Miriam and her boyfriend often argue and after the surprising news they broke up a few weeks later.

Even Jennifer’s 23-year-old friend * could not imagine a life as a young father. He was there when Jennifer took the test, did not want to believe it and said to her: ” You have to go to the gynecologist, a child is out of the question!” Pregnancy as a real way to talk. Jennifer only found an open ear for her worries from her friends, she never told her family about them. At that time she was in her sixth week.

Looking for help and advice

Miriam search the internet for information about pregnancy and termination. And she found support and advice: ” I felt I was in good hands in a Facebook group and told other women about my thoughts.” There she also became aware of an online portal where experience advisors like Rona Vogel advise women in similar situations via chat: “ We try to get on a personal and confidential level. We write with the women about possible solutions and support them during this time, ”says Vogel. In addition to the online advice, Miriam could also rely on her family, who told her about it shortly afterwards.

A self-employed pregnant woman works

Even though her boyfriend was against the pregnancy, she considered keeping the child. Nevertheless, she talk to her gynecologist about an abortion and went to the pregnancy conflict counseling – a legally require appointment for women in Germany who are thinking about such an intervention.

Jennifer went the same way. Shortly after she took the positive test, she was at the counseling center with her boyfriend at the time. Although he couldn’t imagine having a child, he went to all appointments with her. The counseling did not help Jennifer any further: “The counselor only ask briefly about our point of view. She said nothing about the options I would have had if I had want to keep the child.

I felt that I was in bad hands and not at all well advise. Theresia Marten, a train social worker and head of the pregnancy conflict counselling “dunam vitae” in Bonn, educates as many couples as possible to avoid this situation by Abortion. The beginning of the conversation. This creates a pleasant atmosphere for the conversation without fears and tension. “I tell the couple how the conversation is going and work with them to find ways to support them should they keep the child. But I also provide information about the cancellation and answer open questions. ”

Jennifer now believes that the conversation didn’t help her because her boyfriend was absolutely against the child. Only later did she realize that it would have been important for her to talk to a counselor in private – but she never made a new appointment.

In emotional chaos

Miriam was also torn. On the one hand, she felt strong because her family was behind her, she had a permanent position and a cheap, child-friendly apartment. On the other hand, it was bothering her that her boyfriend didn’t want a child and would leave her as a single mother. ” At that time I was also struggling with gastrointestinal problems and a severe form of emetophobia, the fear of vomiting, and I didn’t know how the disease would develop if I remain pregnant,” she says.

Although Miriam had no time pressure when it came to the legal deadlines for abortions. As she had found out about her pregnancy so early, the emotional pressure became unbearable: “Because the longer I was pregnant, the more the embryo look like a person. That’s why the decision was even more difficult for me. ”

From a legal point of view, Jennifer was also under no time pressure, because an abortion remains un punish up to the twelfth week if women go to mandatory counseling. But even after the consultation, Jennifer could not think clearly. Her gynecologist had already told her about all of the options, including the termination of pregnancy, at the first appointment. She couldn’t forget this option: “Back then, all the arguments were against the baby. My friend took no responsibility and spoke negatively to me. I had no training and mental health problems. What could I offer the child? ”

Miriam was also stuck in the emotional chaos. Although she had strong feelings for her unborn child at an early age, she went through the authorities’ marathon for an abortion and made an appointment. Only this one Miriam never went to: “First I postpone it under one pretext, then the second. Because I had secretly decide to have my child – despite my boyfriend, my great insecurity and my illness.”

The hardest hours in Abortion

Jennifer’s decision was different. Only three days after the mandatory consultation, she was at the gynecologist. A period prescribe by law to ensure that women have enough time to make a decision after the consultation. Jennifer couldn’t have wait any longer. She was operate on as an outpatient and under anesthesia. After a short time she was able to go home again. The operation went without complications and she quickly felt physically fit again. The psychological effects are still clearly noticeable today, almost three months after the termination: “I haven’t process all of this for a long time. I go to the psychologist, but I don’t want to talk to him about it yet because it just upsets me too much. I made this decision out of love for my boyfriend – today I regret it. ”

Miriam’s path continue until the ninth month. Her pregnancy did not go smoothly, she lost contact with her boyfriend. Suffer from extreme pregnancy sickness, and spent a lot of time in the hospital. And yet there is no greater happiness for her today than her daughter. For my little girl, I’m going to my limits, we are just two fighters,” she says. “I would never give it up again and I also don’t regret having kept it.”

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